May
07
MY 60 YR OLD DAD IS USING INTERNET ADULT DATING SITES TO MEET COUPLES FOR SEX - SHOULD I TELL MY MUM?
By
Karen B asked:
My sister and I have incidentally detected a little intolerable justification on the home family computer. My 60 year old father has his form on adult sex dating sites in sequence to encounter singles & couples for watchful sex. He hasn't put a design of his face on his form so which he can sojourn unknown but he has put alternative pithy cinema on of himself. He has a tip email comment which he uses and we have review all the sum of him arranging to encounter women and overhanging couples for sex in hotels. Every night he spends hours on the internet and right away we know why.
My sister and I have incidentally detected a little intolerable justification on the home family computer. My 60 year old father has his form on adult sex dating sites in sequence to encounter singles & couples for watchful sex. He hasn't put a design of his face on his form so which he can sojourn unknown but he has put alternative pithy cinema on of himself. He has a tip email comment which he uses and we have review all the sum of him arranging to encounter women and overhanging couples for sex in hotels. Every night he spends hours on the internet and right away we know why.
We wrote him a minute revelation him what we detected and asking him to residence the incident with Mum as it is not the place to get involved. He stage me and pronounced they were only foolish emails & zero had happened & he feels ill at the suspicion & he will not go nearby the mechanism ever again
How can we live with this report and not discuss it the heavenly Mum? We have been so repelled and up in arms with worry. We have been going out of the minds
41 Comments
May 11th, 2011 at 6:43 am
tell her. She'll find out eventually
May 13th, 2011 at 11:34 pm
stay out of it,I know its hard but she will be angry with you for telling her
May 14th, 2011 at 7:33 pm
Stay out of it. This is between your parents.
May 15th, 2011 at 12:15 pm
Did he tell her? Has he quit using the computer? Print out the evidence and show her if he did not come clean.
May 15th, 2011 at 7:51 pm
If it was me I wouldn't tell my parents, especially at this stage of their lives.
May 17th, 2011 at 2:34 am
omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
u gotto tell ur mom abt it- ur moms life must not b spoilt!
give her the appropriate evidence!!!!!!!!
i think its better 4 ur mum 2 live alone dan 2 live wid a traitor!!!
May 20th, 2011 at 12:48 pm
You don't actually know that he DID anything. He might just be in a fantasy world. Of course it's unwise, and very worrying, but knowing how you feel, can you imagine the devastating affect it could have on your Mum if she was told?
Of course, as you know, you and your sister had no right intruding into his privacy and going through his emails anyway. Tell him how worried you are and leave it to his good sense to put a stop to things.
May 22nd, 2011 at 4:55 am
lf you tell your mother,you will both be responsible for the breakup of your parents marriage.Do you really want this on your conscience??.Let your father work through this.They may be your parents,but it is their affair.!!
May 23rd, 2011 at 3:14 pm
Tell her…yes she will be upset but she has to know. He could get and STI and pass it on to her and thats not fair.
May 24th, 2011 at 10:54 pm
The best thing to do is be there for your mum when she does find out. She loves you dearly and would not expect you to be the 1s to hurt her even tho you dont mean to. Dont tell her but keep on to your dad to admit what hes been doing to your mum.
May 27th, 2011 at 11:31 am
sometimes we dont agree woth the things our parents do but in the end it is their business and as much as we love them it should be their decision. Why cause a problem when there doesnt need to be. He might mean what he said and not go the computer again and then you will have caused so much heartache when they neednt be any. If your mum does find out all you can do is be there to console her. My advice is keep quiet and if anything does happen in the future to hurt her make sure your there for her and give her all the love and support she deserves. We all make mistakes in life and its down to us to live with them
May 30th, 2011 at 3:25 am
You have been prying. You should be ashamed of yourselves.
May 31st, 2011 at 7:32 am
Tell your darling poor mother , she has every right to know.
June 2nd, 2011 at 9:58 am
No show her the address line for the dating sites and say "I dont visit these sites so why are they here? MOM?" Are you and Dad fighting again?
June 5th, 2011 at 9:38 am
I will keep my mouth shut if i were u for the fact that your Mum will be so upset if she find out.
June 7th, 2011 at 6:43 pm
Your mom has a right to know. I would tell her
June 7th, 2011 at 10:16 pm
Your mother needs to know. Tell hm that you are going to tell her but you would like to give him the chance to tell her first. You need to give him the chance otherwise it may destroy your relationship
June 11th, 2011 at 8:23 am
Your dad rocks!!!! Mum might not be kinky like that!
June 12th, 2011 at 8:06 am
women have an instinct for this sort of thing. Mum already knows - best person to talk to would be dad
how do you know he is doing it for himself it could be for a friend who does not have the net
June 14th, 2011 at 6:07 pm
If your Dad is having sex, then he is physically putting your Mom at risk, and she should be made aware. When you consider people live to be over 90 now, 30 years is a long time to be put at risk! Perhaps she and your father have not had sex as part of their marriage for years, and she prefers it that way. Before I told her Dad was involved in this fantasy life, I would try to find out the nature of their marriage at this time. She may be fully aware of his activity, and turns a blind eye to it, preferring to stay married.
If she is totally unaware, then she would need a lot of support once she finds out. But be very careful. Find out what she thinks is the state of her marriage first.
June 16th, 2011 at 6:10 pm
Well if Dad follows through with not getting on these sites any longer and if he takes his profile down, then don't let Mum know, especially since you don't know if he has met anyone. If you suspect that he has continued to try to meet others or even has followed through with meeting others, then you need to let your Mum know, show her the proof, so that she can go to her doctor and get checked to make sure he hasn't given her any diseases.
June 18th, 2011 at 3:02 pm
Holy S hit dude! Let your poor old pops have some fun already you hypocrite.
Just because he's old doesn't mean he doesn't desire a little variety after being with that old battle ax you call your mum.
June 21st, 2011 at 10:43 am
Dear friends, sorry to hear of your dilemma.You have talked to your father and he is clearly unreasonable. You love your parents but losing respect for your father. Speak to him again and explain how distraught your feeling and that you find it hard being loyal to him and unloyal to your mother. Having multiple partners causes potential diseases which your poor mom could innocently contract. If all fails tell your mother via anonymous letter or arrange to speak to her, she will appreciate your maturity and love for her.
June 24th, 2011 at 7:31 pm
tell him to confess or you will tell her
June 27th, 2011 at 4:35 pm
Put a firewall on the websites so he can't access them and when he asks you why they won't come up you can confront him about it.
June 29th, 2011 at 8:55 am
I don't think it is your place to be involved in this. For something like this to be happening there must have been deep long seated problems that they perhaps kept secret from you, as parents do. Unless your Mum has really buried her head in the sand she will know, don't worry. If they have been together all their lives then they know one another like noone else does. Either she has buried her head in the sand and let him get on with it (for some reason) or as he says, its all an imaginary thing just for excitment. She'd know, believe me, if he was going out on swingers nights or had a lover/s. How do you know he hasn't asked her about it. These very private taboo things are between your Mum and Dad only, its their 'private life' and for all you know, and it does happen, she might be allowing it. It is NOT your place to go sneaking about in your parents stuff. I am saying this as a 51 years old, 'was' married for 26 years, parent/wife. What me and my husband did with ourselves of a sexual nature, was completely off limits to our children, it was OUR business and completely separate and apart from raising our children, understand this and drop the whole issue. WOuld you feel good about your parents splitting up? At this stage in their lives? Because that will be the outcome, and if they don't? You'll have to live with seeing the dysfunction between them and knowing the fact that actually your Mum will probably do nothing about it, let alone sit and discuss the in's and out's of her sexlife with her two daughters.
July 2nd, 2011 at 3:34 am
I know this sounds bizarre, but I honestly don't think you should tell your mom.
You mentioned that your father feels sick at the thought of your mother finding out - and that he claims he will never go near the computer again. It sounds to me like he wants to resolve the situation without breaking your mothers heart.
You know that if she finds out it will destroy her. Is it worth it, really? Chances are she already knows, and is turning a blind eye. If you bring it up to her, she can't pretend anymore and everything will be ruined. People get "comfortable" and this may simply be something in their relationship that you - as a daughter and an outsider to their marraige - don't know about.
I say talk to you dad - tell him if you have lost respect for him… tell him if you want him to get an STD check, or whatever. If you really want your mom to know, insist your father do it. It is NOT your place, and most certainly would be worse news coming from you. At least if it comes from your father, she can keep her dignity and try to work things out quietly. If it comes from you, she will not only be heart broken but also terribly embarrassed.
Good Luck and I hope your family survives through such an intense situation!
July 3rd, 2011 at 6:45 pm
ok well this is a tough one. i guess he means no harm maybe he is missing sex and your mom and him dont have it often enough so he is seeking alternatives. the though of him getting caught might work for a little while but is it worth breaking up a old couple over a few emails.? ask yourselves this. i would personally investigate abit more in to it. like follow your dad and actually catch him in the act of meeting another women. thats when i would tell my mom. when i had a lot more solid evidence.
July 5th, 2011 at 12:41 am
Let your mother know asap.
July 7th, 2011 at 8:31 am
You are just inviting trouble in your life. well everyone has its won personal and i ndividual life. What if he is your father? If your mom is happy living with him and not having problems. Why you want to bring issues into your family life which are better hidden.
July 8th, 2011 at 10:30 am
if you tell your mom she will be so disappointed because she feels that she is not attractive any more so it cause the negative result.let your father solve the problem because if he wants do sth that u dont find out u absoloutly dont .so its better to stay out of this but watch him as the way that u trust to his words and be careful of what he does.maybe he needs the sex.maybe your mom doesnt care about sex with him anymore.you dont know the real connection between them so its better to stay away.but dont tell to your mom.its make her nervous even they dont have such relationship with each other
July 10th, 2011 at 7:26 am
Never tell your mum otherwise you lose your family forever talk to him telling that this is normal but he might catch AIDS that may eventualy kill him. Be tender with him show him that you care for him never threaten but give love instead. remind him of nice old days you spent together & never ever make him feel like a 12 year old child God help you to keep your family tight
July 11th, 2011 at 8:29 am
Don't interfere!Lots of men surf the web and indulge in virtual sex sessions.Your dad may spend hours each evening on the computer,but has he ever actually met anyone through it?
Your feelings are understandable,bot telling your mum risks destroying your parents' marriage.Having explained your thoughts to your dad and now he's told you they're only emails,let him deal with it himself.
July 13th, 2011 at 10:09 am
First off how did you "just run into his pictures on this site" ? And what evidence of a "secret" email account do you have? This story reaks of lies.
Not everyone are the same. Maybe your mom is ok with him doing this? If she is it's not something they would discuss with you! Maybe your mom also is a kinky ho? have you ever thought this through?
You said your dad is 60 so I am going to assume you and your sister are older than 18. Move out of your parents home. Buy your own computer and leave theirs alone. GROW up already.
July 15th, 2011 at 1:43 pm
dear, you may put a stop to your dad's activities by telling your mother,but how can you be sure that he might not look for another ways to fulfil his desires.
what if being questioned by your mother,he fights with her and later on walks out on her!how will your mother survive alone at this age?have patience and leave this on god to decide.
always remember that youngsters have many options,whereas mothers of grown-up children have very little.
July 17th, 2011 at 3:36 pm
do not tell, it is none of your business ,he could kill himself your mom or even you two under great pressure ,maybe your　mom is not putting out ,
July 21st, 2011 at 2:07 am
I would show her what you found. Her safety is at stake.
July 23rd, 2011 at 1:48 pm
I would maybe print out the emails and such..but DONT say anything. Hang on to them incase something should ever happen. But other then that.. I'd keep out of it.
July 24th, 2011 at 9:26 pm
Firstly, I understand how distraught you are feeling as I have some experience of this sort of nightmare.
I'm 51, married for 30 years and a mother of kids in their 20s -probably not far off the age you and your sister are.
Please believe your Dad. I believe it was a sort of fantasy world for him, and its very unlikely anything actually happened. I imagine your Dad has been a loyal and steadfast husband and father for years and years - probably all his adult life. The internet and all it's possibilities have opened the door to the sorts of adventures he would never have even imagined as a young man in love with and courting your mother. I imagine he still loves and cherishes your mother, and everything she represents. I believe your father viewed the whole thing as a sort of GAME - a bit like any computer game - anonymous, exciting yet safe.
Now he has been found out he has discovered that it's not a game, and its not safe. He is feeling deeply ashamed - and very scared. Scared because, like a jolt of electricity, he has suddenly realised that he could lose everything for what, in his mind at the time, was just a game.
If you tell your mother its likely she will never get over the shock of what she will consider a lethal betrayal. If your parents have been together for many years they have built something that is rare and precious in today's world. Let it stay that way in your mother's mind. Trust that the shock of discovery has brought your father to his senses, and let it be. You don't want to become the children of a broken family, let alone the ones responsible for the reason for the break up coming to light..
Honesty between couples is the best policy and it may be that your father decides to tell his wife of his stupidity, and his deep regret and she may forgive him because he has chosen to share this with her. But that is between them.
You are shocked at your father, but please understand that fathers of any age are men first - and they can compartmentalise their lives. What your father did was stupid, but it doesn't make him a bad father or a bad husband.
Good luck and please cherish your family - love your parents for their human frailties as well as their good points - as they say, nobodys perfect.
July 26th, 2011 at 10:25 am
1. You have already informed your father that you know about his secret.
2. He has already told you that nothing happened and that he would stop doing it.
3. It is none of your business. You have no idea what your parents private relationship is about and how they really feel about each other.
4. If you decide you cannot keep your secret then tell your mother with the following possible scenarios:
a. Your mother might already know and is happy he is not pestering her for sex. Your father will hate you.
b. Your mother wont believe you and be angry with you. Your father will hate you.
c. Your mother will go ballistic and divorce your father. Your father will hate you. Your mother may or may not hate you for giving her the information that destroyed her marriage.
Of course there are variations to these results. Which one do you like best?
You and your sister have done about as much as you should. You have your own lives Im sure, leave them to sort out their lives.
Just my opinion of course.
Also: I hope your children have more respect for privacy then you and your sister seem to have. Nobody can accidentally find a secret email address without doing some time consuming reasearch.
July 28th, 2011 at 12:03 pm
Accept your Dads regrets and leave it at that. It will fade into the distant past. Remember he is 60 Years old. Nothing much could happen sexually. He loves your mother. I am sure.or he would not have been married to her for so long. The right thing to do now is to forget it and let your Dad do the same.