Sep
26
NEW GUY HAS HAD 41 SEX PARTNERS? ANY ADVICE?
By
elledriver80 asked:
I need recommendation from ADULT males, females. no unsteadiness please. i'm in my late 20s' - i'm a pure (I lived a easeful hold up okay, LOL) and this man is my initial genuine dating experience, bf -he's 25. He seems similar to a good man overall. But he discuss it me he has had 41 sex partners (14 only give him oral). Now in his invulnerability he's an on top of normal lookin' male, college educated, and lived in Vegas for roughly 3 years and had furious practice (including a 3some him and 2 females); he has been exam for STD's. He's been infallible far as I know . But he says I'm being astray by judging him for his past and alot of immature guys currently "sew their furious oats" in assorted ways. He says he has been staid down and wants to get tied together soon, and I would assimilate his past improved if I had some-more dating knowledge with guys, etc. I'm shaken if i should try and aspire to a prolonged tenure thing, lose virginity, and even wed him (not gettin' any younger)? Any recommendation on how to
**any recommendation on how to think about all of this?
** we live in NJ now. he has his own place, and I have mine.
** he told me since I asked. I feel I have a right to kno how most people he's been with sexually.
I need recommendation from ADULT males, females. no unsteadiness please. i'm in my late 20s' - i'm a pure (I lived a easeful hold up okay, LOL) and this man is my initial genuine dating experience, bf -he's 25. He seems similar to a good man overall. But he discuss it me he has had 41 sex partners (14 only give him oral). Now in his invulnerability he's an on top of normal lookin' male, college educated, and lived in Vegas for roughly 3 years and had furious practice (including a 3some him and 2 females); he has been exam for STD's. He's been infallible far as I know . But he says I'm being astray by judging him for his past and alot of immature guys currently "sew their furious oats" in assorted ways. He says he has been staid down and wants to get tied together soon, and I would assimilate his past improved if I had some-more dating knowledge with guys, etc. I'm shaken if i should try and aspire to a prolonged tenure thing, lose virginity, and even wed him (not gettin' any younger)? Any recommendation on how to
**any recommendation on how to think about all of this?
** we live in NJ now. he has his own place, and I have mine.
** he told me since I asked. I feel I have a right to kno how most people he's been with sexually.
** He pronounced he was "sewing his furious oats in vegas for 3 years" and wants to solve down.
12 Comments
September 27th, 2009 at 12:44 am
i think that he needs to be tested before you do anything. std's are a forever thing
September 30th, 2009 at 12:40 am
Well,u should talk about stds!
October 2nd, 2009 at 2:37 am
That's a lot of "miles" for anyone.
But maybe he's over the running around and he could be a good steady partner.
October 5th, 2009 at 3:33 am
I think you my have the wrong guy to spend the rest of your life with. Trustworthy or not, a guy who's had that many sexual partners, is not the forever kind of guy, I dated one like that and it ended very badly.
October 6th, 2009 at 10:32 pm
Sweetie i think i would be very careful with him and if you do have sex on day with him please use protections Aids and hepatitis c which can be Gaven to others thru blood or semin' and can not show for years somtimes,I think i would just be friends with him as you need to think what was wrong and why did he have so many sexual partners.I just had a friend who was a virgin and married a man who was somewhat like this man.They lasted 2 weeks as he had to have more than one women as he was addicted to sex .You seem like a nice young lady so take your time you won't regret it.
October 8th, 2009 at 3:28 am
…It's more than a little creepy that he's *counted* every sexual encounter he's every had and that he knows to the T how many have "just" gone down on him. Don't you think that's a tad…odd? Especially seeing as how he's *told* you this… Weird.
Anyway, it shouldn't matter how many people he's had sex with or how "experienced" he is or "inexperienced" you are. If you love the guy (or at least have true feelings for him) and can see yourself settling down with him for an extended amount of time (don't get married one day and divorce the next), then go for it if the feeling is mutual. He sounds like a decent guy, but only you would know that.
Go with your gut. It never fails. Do you love the guy or not?
October 9th, 2009 at 10:40 am
Well, that is a major difference between you two, both physical and moral, and the moral difference seems like it will be more of a problem than how many partners he's had. I personally never ask a guy about his sexual past, I don't want to know, and it doesn't affect my relationship with him at the present time. I don't share my past with anyone either. I can tell you that at 25, that's a lot of women that he's been with–not unheard of, but it's many more than the norm. What are you nervous about? His past? His past can't hurt you if he's disease-free, child-free, and issue-free.
October 11th, 2009 at 5:16 pm
From an older (retirement age) man's viewpoint:
Say bye-bye. Unless you're the most disagreeable woman on Earth, you can do better. If you're nervous, trust your instincts. The right guy will, in my late mother's words, "feel like an old shoe" - comfortable. If you have doubts, there's a reason.
October 12th, 2009 at 2:57 am
Hard to answer that one. My reactions:
1) you're still pretty young.
2) he's younger than you are. that might seem okay, now, but later?
3) his experience level (41??) raises a flag, all by itself.
4) He's been keeping count? Is he after higher numbers? (41+you=42)
5) Is he addicted to new partners? (42 + ?)
6) Why did he tell you in the first place? Was he bragging?
October 15th, 2009 at 3:46 am
Can you live with being forever "number 42"?
There are plenty of wonderful guys in the world who haven't had more sex partners than Baskin Robbins has ice cream flavors.
I don't think anyone who would boast of having had threesomes and half a hundred or so sex partners can be trusted to change and suddenly be respectful of and faithful to one woman.
I would also not trust one word of what he says about being clean of STD's. Of course he's going to claim he's clean whether he is or not.
I'd walk away. He's trouble.
October 18th, 2009 at 10:34 am
i would say that a guy with that many partners is a bit risky. Just because he has been tested does not mean that he is clean. some take a while to show (like AIDS). No, you would not understand his past if you had more dating experience. That is a line of bull. I have plenty of dating experience, and i don't understand it! LOL
Here is a fool-proof way to know if he is serious about you and not just trying to nail a virgin - tell him you will get serious with him but will not have sex with him for one full year. If he cares about you he will hang around and try to make it. If he is just a man whore, he will be gone by Easter. Bottom line, it won't take long for him to show his true colors!
And….. if you have held your virginity this long, there is no reason for you to give it up to him, especially this soon. The fact that you said (not gettin' any younger) tells me that you are subconciously considering SETTLING for him, just in case there isn't another guy in your future. NO ONE should EVER settle. You don't marry a man you can live with. You marry the one you can't live without.
October 19th, 2009 at 5:51 am
Sometimes people can't help that the people they encounter and have sex with don't want to have a relationship. SO maybe, the fact is that he hasn't had sex with these people more than once or twice for each person, as int hey didn't want to have a relationship with him, so therefore he continued to meet othe rpeople and have sexual encounters with them. Over 3 years or more 41 isn't that many, think of it that way, that means he wasn't necessarily having sex once a week! Many people have a high sex drive and just need to go out and have sex, so I wouldn't hold it against him, especially since he's been tested. The most important part of this, is whether you're going to feel insecure about the fact that he has been with many other people, will you psychologically be able to get past this, and accept that this doesn't make him who he is as a person, and you can't judge him as a person solely on the basis that he has had so many sex partners. There is a lot more to a person that that, and maybe you are the woman who will finally accept him for who he is, and he won't need any more sex partners, because he will have you.
Think about whether you want this relationship in terms of other aspects, will he be a nice person to you, will he treat you respectfully, and can he love you. This is what you need to focus on more. Good luck with your decision, it is ultimately up to you, not the people on here, if you are ok with it, then go for it !