Apr
18
NEED ADVICE ABOUT HIGH NUMBER OF SEX PARTNERS?
By
elledriver80 asked:
I need recommendation from ADULT males, females. no unsteadiness please. i'm in my late 20s' - i'm a pure (I lived a easeful hold up okay, LOL) and this man is my initial genuine dating experience, bf -he's 25. He seems similar to a good man overall. But he discuss it me he has had 41 sex partners (14 only give him oral). Now in his invulnerability he's an on top of normal lookin' male, college educated, and lived in Vegas for roughly 3 years and had furious practice (including a 3some him and 2 females); he has been exam for STD's. He's been infallible far as I know . But he says I'm being astray by judging him for his past and alot of immature guys currently "sew their furious oats" in assorted ways. He says he has been staid down and wants to get tied together soon, and I would assimilate his past improved if I had some-more dating knowledge with guys, etc. I'm shaken if i should try and aspire to a prolonged tenure thing, lose virginity, and even wed him (not gettin' any younger)? Any recommendation on how to think about all this? TY.
** he told me since I asked. I feel I have a right to kno how most people he's been with sexually.
I need recommendation from ADULT males, females. no unsteadiness please. i'm in my late 20s' - i'm a pure (I lived a easeful hold up okay, LOL) and this man is my initial genuine dating experience, bf -he's 25. He seems similar to a good man overall. But he discuss it me he has had 41 sex partners (14 only give him oral). Now in his invulnerability he's an on top of normal lookin' male, college educated, and lived in Vegas for roughly 3 years and had furious practice (including a 3some him and 2 females); he has been exam for STD's. He's been infallible far as I know . But he says I'm being astray by judging him for his past and alot of immature guys currently "sew their furious oats" in assorted ways. He says he has been staid down and wants to get tied together soon, and I would assimilate his past improved if I had some-more dating knowledge with guys, etc. I'm shaken if i should try and aspire to a prolonged tenure thing, lose virginity, and even wed him (not gettin' any younger)? Any recommendation on how to think about all this? TY.
** he told me since I asked. I feel I have a right to kno how most people he's been with sexually.
** He pronounced he was "sewing his furious oats in vegas for 3 years" and wants to solve down.
I AM NOT twenty - PLEASE READ WHAT I WROTE. the initial woman didn't review what i said.
OMG. i pronounced 41 — not 55. READ! That is 41 total.
27 Comments
April 21st, 2009 at 7:38 am
Well if you sleep with him I would want to see the test results. Your only 20 its not like you are about to be an old maid.
April 22nd, 2009 at 11:30 am
hmmm once he is like that..he'll always be like that…i don't think he is worth it unless u truthfully love him and trust him
April 24th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
Take your time and don't get pressured into anything you aren't ready for. And make sure, if you do decide to have sex with him, that you are protected.
Having said that…. There is nothing in the number of sexual partners that a person has that dictates their ability to love or be loved, however it is often an indication of the kind of relationship experience they have. Just give it time, and see if it will be what you want before walking this guy down the aisle.
April 25th, 2009 at 10:53 am
Hell he was being honest with you. Doesn't that count for something? His past is just that..His past! He can't change it. If you can't deal with the fact that he had many partners then don't pursue a relationship with him.
April 26th, 2009 at 11:28 pm
sounds like you'll be number 42.
You'll be just another number, if thats okay with you.
April 29th, 2009 at 11:05 pm
Safety first>>Seems this guy wants a trophy> He has been around> Be safe have him wait 3 months & test him again< As it takes that long or longer to show anything> Be a shame first time you catch something> S&H
May 1st, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Slow down girl, you are so young. Take things in stride is what I say but if you Love him, go for it!
May 3rd, 2009 at 3:21 pm
It sounds like you are not comfortable with it and that you won't be. I think you are holding out for someone more reserved like yourself. There's nothing wrong with that. "Not getting any younger" is not an excuse to marry someone. However, if you truly love him, you'll be able to overlook those things.
I'll probably get a ton of thumbs down for this, but I think it needs to be said: someone with that many partners in his past is most likely not going to stay faithful. And (even more thumbs down) if he's a black guy (as your moniker suggests you are black and most people date within their own race) he is statistically more likely to cheat (a black magazine editor just went on CNN a few weeks ago saying this very thing). It sounds like a monogamous relationship is probably not in your future with this man.
Good luck, and I truly wish you the best.
May 5th, 2009 at 11:55 am
Don't let it bother you guys always over estimate how many people they have had sex with. Even if it is their girlfriend they are telling the story to. I would not be bothered by my partners sexual past focus on the present and how he treats you. If it makes you feel better about it, my partner has slept with way more than 40 (or so he says)
May 5th, 2009 at 6:40 pm
What makes you think that you're not part of his "Wild Oats"?
This guy is a Foolish braggart. Are you impressed by his "adventures?" He does NOT respect you, he is trying to impress you with his BS. Kick him to the curb, he is an immature kid in his 20's. Congratulations on keeping yourself pure. Hang in there, you will make a beautiful bride when the right guy comes to you. Good Luck. By telling you that you are judging him is a ploy to put a guilt trip on you and to shame you into giving him some poontang. Don't fall for his BS.
May 6th, 2009 at 8:25 am
This sounds pretty risky….always go by what he does, not what he says - talk is cheap.
How do you know he's changed? Has he started going to church? Where's the proof?
Here's what you don't want: marry have 3 children and find out he's been cheating and has a disease and gave it to you. You'd be saying "the signs were there."
If you still love him and want to pursue this, introduce him to your minister, go through all the pre-marital counseling.
Don't give your virginity to someone who's unworthy of it.
Joy to you!
May 7th, 2009 at 10:54 pm
just think if you sleep with him … you will in actually be sleeping with him, all of his partners, all of their partners……… and the list goes on….. and …..on……………………..
May 9th, 2009 at 3:14 am
You should no how many people he has been with in the past but you shouldn't hold it against him, these are things he did before you came along and I know that sounds like alot but how even if he only had sex with 1 person a month it would add up. You already know what you need to know, he is clean, he has no STD's and he is ready to settle down. Before I was married I too had been with a few people and in a way it has been a bonus because I don't wonder about what I am missing.
May 10th, 2009 at 10:31 am
He is not worth it. You need to be with someone who has less experience. More like yourself. Your only 20. I think you have plenty of time to find a life long mate.
May 10th, 2009 at 11:06 pm
His past is just what it is……….past. There is nothing to do about it. If he is free of diseases and you trust him don't worry about the rest.
May 13th, 2009 at 3:36 am
First of all, PUMP THE BRAKES!!!!! I'm a 33 y/o female and I can tell you first hand sweetie that you are definitely worth waiting for the RIGHT guy to come along. A boyfriend who has had 55 sex partners (because oral sex IS sex) is not somebody you should be sharing your first time with. There is too much out there that you can contract, like HPV, an STD that causes cervical cancer. And if this guy is not "the guy" then why bother. If he was someone who would one day become your husband then he wouldn't mind waiting until then to have sex with you. It's apparent that if you waited this long to have sex, you are saving yourself for marriage. If that is the case then wait. He is 25 years old, please trust me when I say HE IS NOT READY TO SETTLE DOWN. You are a virgin, guys will say anything to get you to have sex with them. I have been married for 10 years, married my husband when he was 26. HE WAS NOT READY TO SETTLE DOWN. It is a blessing that we are still married and I can honestly say that now we are "happily" married. Marriage is hard for young people. My husband didn't mature as such until recently, like in the past 2 years. He's now 34. Your health and well being is way more important than losing your virginity to someone who is 55 up on you with the number of people they've slept with.
May 14th, 2009 at 10:08 am
Oh, honey, you should definitely see the ink on the paper!
May 17th, 2009 at 6:56 am
hon, if you are a virgin, look for virgins. Don't degrade yourself for a weirdo like that. You are better than that.
May 19th, 2009 at 10:34 am
I am an adult female, married for many years. Before I was married, in my wild youth, I had more than my share of experiences. And I can tell you quite honestly that I would not go near anyone who had 41 sex partners. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but,to me, 41 sex partners goes beyond "sowing some wild oats." That seems to suggest a blatant disregard for any type of morality and a total lack of respect for oneself and a lack of respect for one's partners. Can you picture yourself—in your wildest dreams—having sex with 41 different people? Would you really want to have sex with someone who has had sex with 41 different people? My opinion? Not me. Never.
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:40 pm
I wouldn't touch him.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:46 pm
1 in 5 people have an incurable STD. Incurable STDs, like Herpese, HPV, etc., can be transmitted orally and while wearing a condom, and it happens a lot. So statistically, your boyfriend has 8 incurable STDs, which will be transmitted to you if you have sex with him.
May 24th, 2009 at 6:02 am
I somehow think you will only be another conquest for him if you give him your virginity.
Has he actually told you he will marry you and wants to settle down with you?? I would ask to see proof he has no STD's, and then make him wait and get retested again, if you are serious about having sex with him.
But can you honestly believe he will be faithful to you, seeing how committed he has been to 41 other women?? NOT!!
Find a real man, not a boy.
May 27th, 2009 at 7:16 am
I probably would find someone else. This "number" may bother you forever. Sounds like a high number to me for a guy only 25. He probably had a lot of 1 night stands. No thanks, you've waited this long.
May 29th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
I think you can trust him. He is being honest with you and that is what really counts. Also 41 really is not that high these days and you'll know he has it out of his system. He'll never wonder what he is missing. Furthermore, practice makes perfect and he is probably going to be a great lover… which you need if you are going to have late start in life having sex.
People really do change and the fact that he has been tested and been up front with you (and even the fact that he is serious about marrying a virgin) means he is mature and honest. That's really all you can ask for.
EDIT:
Oh wait, he's only 25?! That is a lot of sleeping around in a short time. And he is not at that age when people usually start to change. I agree with the other answer… you need to make him get tested -for everything- twice a couple of months apart and show you the results (I have asked for this with all but one person, and no one has ever taken offence or refused). You also should make sure that HE is serious about marrying you, not just that he is telling you what you want to hear. Maybe make him wait for the honeymoon.
May 30th, 2009 at 8:36 pm
well if you feel he is committed to you and you are ready go for it but only if you are truly ready
June 2nd, 2009 at 11:47 pm
Welli think he was honest with you and you should watch to see if he don't have any STD'S or AIDS. condoms don't protect from that. What till you egt married to have sex. all guys today and woman today in age slept with someone very very rare to find virgins today
June 5th, 2009 at 9:22 pm
A lot of people do this when they are young. Men and women. It does not mean that he will not be faithful. That is what you need to know. Is he ready to settle down for real and will he be faithful? The past is the past. I would give him points for being honest about it. Make sure your protect yourself. I would not judge him for his past.